WORKING WITH DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES   

As much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.   – Romans 12:18

Many people dream of being in full time ministry. Their goal is to work where there’s praise music playing and co-workers praying. With Scripture verses on the wall and crosses around every neck, they imagine such a place to be holy, always joyful and peaceful. They believe that in such a place one of their primary sources of stress—getting along with difficult people—will disappear. Don’t you believe it! Paul and Barnabas, two great Christian leaders, fought so badly over John Mark that they had to split up. The early church experienced financial squabbles, moral scandals and doctrinal disputes. Understand this: until the Lord comes back you’ll always experience difficulty relating to certain people. There’s very little difference in how people operate when they’re under pressure. The mind is not new, it is constantly being renewed— even the minds of Christians. This doesn’t mean they’re not sincere, it just means they’re not as mature as they should be. Pettiness, greed, ambition and favoritism all creep in as the enemy fires his darts and hopes to create a flame. So if we are going to drive in our hostile environments, we must increase our capacity to work with difficult personalities. How? By preparing yourself spiritually through prayer and the reading of God’s Word before you get to work. By committing to be Christ-like on the job in your attitudes and actions. Will you always succeed? No! Will you be stretched? Yes! Can it be done? Absolutely! “My grace is sufficient for thee” (2Co 12:9). How do you become more gracious? By drawing each day on God’s grace!



JESUS KNOWS HOW YOU FEEL

He . . . experienced . . . all the pain, all the testing     – Hebrews 2:18 TM

Are you financially strapped? Jesus knows how you feel. He said He didn’t have a place to lay His head. Do you feel taken advantage of? Jesus paid taxes to a foreign emperor. But what if your problem is the opposite? You have a successful business to run. Can Jesus relate? Absolutely. He recruited and oversaw His own organization. Seventy men, plus an assortment of women who looked to Him for leadership. Do you make budgets and hire personnel? Christ knows leadership is not easy. His group included a zealot who hated the Romans and a tax collector who worked for them. And how about family tension? “When His family heard what was happening, they tried to take Him home with them. ‘He is out of his mind’ they said” (Mk 3:21 NIV). Have you been falsely accused? The night before His death people “tried to find something false against Jesus so they could kill him” (Mt 26:59 NCV). Oh yes, Jesus has been there. He experienced “All the pain, all the testing.” Max Lucado writes: “Jesus was angry enough to purge the temple, distraught enough to weep in public, fun-loving enough to be called a drunkard, winsome enough to attract kids, poor enough to borrow a coin for a sermon illustration, radical enough to get kicked out of town, responsible enough to care for His mother, tempted enough to know the smell of Satan, and anxious enough to sweat blood.” But why would Christ endure earth’s toughest pain? So you would know that “He is able…to run to the cry of. ..those who are being… tested” (Heb 2: 18 AMP). Whatever you’re facing today, Jesus knows how you feel!



UNDERSTANDING TEMPTATION

God.. .does not tempt anyone.  James 1:13 NAS

Trials and temptations are very different. Trials are permitted by God to develop character in us. On the other hand, temptations are sent by Satan to bring us down. There’s no way a temptation to sexual sin can be called a trial sent from God. He doesn’t test our faith by setting us up to sin. Just because your hotel room offers pornographic movies doesn’t mean it must be okay with God if you watch them, otherwise He wouldn’t have allowed you to check into that room. Get real! James wrote: “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God’ . . .each one is tempted when he is. . .enticed.” The word “entice” describes a fisherman putting a worm on a hook to entice a fish to bite. The fish is looking for a snack, not to become dinner for the fisherman. No mouse goes looking for a mousetrap. What the mouse wants is the cheese. But its legitimate hunger for cheese deceives it into thinking that the cheese is there for the taking, and the trap is sprung. The legitimate use of food nourishes your body, the lust for it produces gluttony and sickness. The proper use of money can bless you, the irresponsible use of it can enslave you with debt. Food. Sex. Money. Power. When the desire for these things becomes all consuming, the warning bell is ringing. Pay attention!

But the Good News is, you’re not in this fight alone. Peter writes: “The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations” (2Pe 2:9). Victory comes when you draw closer to the One who defeated the tempter both in life and in death. So call on Him today. He’s ready to help you!



BE MORE GENTLE!

Be. .. gentle. .. bearing with one another in love.  – Ephesians (NIV)

Abraham Maslow said, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.” Face it, because of our strong personalities some of us are inclined to use a hammer when something gentler will do. If that’s your problem, try using the following T’s:

(1) Total picture. A middle-aged man walked into a bar. “Do you have anything to cure hiccups?” The bartender slapped him across the face.  “Hey! what’s the idea?” said the man. The bartender smiled “Well, you don’t have hiccups any more, do you?” “I never did,” the man replied. “I wanted something to cure my wife, she’s out in the car.” Do you come to conclusions before the problem has been laid out before you? Slow yourself down; you’ll be more likely to respond appropriately.

(2) Timing. If the parent doesn’t get the injured child to the hospital quickly enough, her life might be lost; and if you don’t apologize when you’ve wronged someone, the relationship could be lost. When you act, is as important as taking the right action. Also knowing when not to act. Lady Dorothy Nevill observed: “The art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”

(3) Temperature. As tempers flare, we drop bombs when a slingshot would do. In general: (a) if the reaction is worse than the action, the problem usually increases; (b) if the reaction is less than the action, the problem usually decreases. So, be more gentle !



HELPING “HURTING PEOPLE”

A word of encouragement does wonders.   -Proverbs 12:25 TLB

Ask yourself, “Do I hurt people, and am I easily hurt by them?” Then consider these truths:

(1) Hurting people hurt other people. The German poet Hermann Hesse wrote: “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” Hurting people lash out in response to what’s happening inside them. They feel or believe something negative’ within themselves. Try to remember that.

  (2) Hurting people are more often hurt by people, Let’s say you’ve a splinter in your finger and it becomes infected. Then someone brushes against it. You howl with pain, “You hurt me !” No, the real problem is the splinter you neglected to address. Huffing people overreact, overexaggerate, and overprotect. They also overinfluence. Ask any counselor who’s dealt with a hurting couple. Emotionally one spouse “throws up,” then the other “cleans up.” Usually the individual with the most pain does the most damage.

(3) Quick fixes don’t work. The kindest thing you can do for hurting people is ask them, “Are you prepared to work through the issues and get beyond your pain?” When a New England pipe cleaning company was working under the streets to clean out a sewer line, they found: sixty-one diamond rings, vintage coins and silverware. It was an unpleasant job—but they were allowed to keep the valuables they discovered in the process! Now, you may have to do some digging and deal with some pretty nasty stuff, but in the process you may discover some treasures you didn’t know existed, and at the end of all your hard work, learn to develop healthy relationships.



TOUCHING JESUS

[There was] a woman in the crowd.  -Mark 5:25 NLT

Mark records, “There was a woman in the crowd who had had a hemorrhage for 12 years.” She is desperate and her desperation births an idea—”She had heard about Jesus” (v27 NLT). Jesus is coming to town. By invitation of the synagogue ruler. Odd to find the ruler and the woman in the same story. He’s powerful. She’s pitiful. But his daughter is dying. Tragedy levels social topography. “If I can just touch His clothing, I will be healed” (v28 TLB). So she scurries through the crowd. Knees bump her ribs. “Move out of the way!” someone shouts. She doesn’t care and doesn’t stop. Jesus’ robe is in sight. She extends her hand. “Immediately.. .she could feel… that she had been healed!” (v29 NLT). She feels power enter. Jesus feels power exit. “Jesus…asked, ‘Who touched my clothes”‘ (v30 TLB). Next we read: “The woman.. ‘knowing she was the one.. .knelt before him, and gave him the whole story” (Mk 5:33 TM). Wow! How long had it been since someone listened to her story? With the town bishop waiting, a child dying and a crowd pressing, He makes time for a woman on the fringe. Using a term He gives to no one else He says, “Daughter, your faith has made you well” (v34 NLT). And we have been her, haven’t we? Illness took her strength. What took yours? Red ink? Hard drink? Late nights in the wrong arms? Long days in the wrong job? Pregnant too soon? Too often? Is her hand your hand? If so, take heart. Your family may shun it. Society may avoid it. But Christ? He wants to touch it. Yes, yours is the hand He loves to hold!



BE A FOXHOLE FRIEND (2)

TWO can accomplish more.   -Ecclesiastes 4:9 TLB

Before you get into a foxhole with someone, understand:

(l) Foxhole friends are few. During the Civil War Abraham Lincoln once received a request to pardon a soldier sentenced to be executed for desertion. The man didn’t have a single letter of support vouching for him. Next morning the officer was shocked to hear Lincoln say that the testimony of a friend had sealed his decision to pardon the man. When the officer reminded the President that the request had come with no letter of reference, Lincoln simply stated “I will be his friend” then signed his pardon. If you have such people in your life value them, they are rare indeed,

(2 )Foxhole friends provide strength before and during the battle. Even before the battle, simply knowing that someone believes in you and will fight for you is uplifting. Epicurus said “It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us, as the confident knowledge that they will help us.”

(3) Foxhole friends see things from the same perspective. Five-year-old Tracey asked her dad if she could play at the house of a friend. He told her she could as long as she was home by 6 0’clock for dinner. When 6 0’clock rolled around Tracey was nowhere to be seen. After about 25 minutes, Tracey opened the front door. Her father, working to control his impatience, asked where she’d been. “My friend’s doll broke right when I was supposed to leave for home.” Her dad said, “And I suppose you were helping her fix it?” Tracey replied, “No, I was helping her cry.” What was Tracey? She was a foxhole friend! Are you?



BE A FOXHOLE FRIEND (1)

TWO can accomplish more.     -Ecclesiastes 4:9 TLB

It is said that Marines are taught to dig a foxhole big enough for a friend. That’s good advice! We all face battles in life, and our “foxholes” come in many shapes and sizes.

So let’s understand three things:

 (1) The foxhole is for you and a friend—not a friend alone. You can ask a friend to fight with you, but you should never send someone else to fight your battles for you.

(2) Before the battle, you should have developed the friendship. Foxholes aren’t about using people. You first need to be a friend, before asking for the help of a friend.

(3) You have also been in your friend’s foxhole with them. You should be willing to fight for any friend whose help you would request. That’s what friends do.

 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” Never let it be said you were a silent friend! Here are two important truths about foxholes.

(a) Foxholes without friends are unhealthy. Trying to face the world alone is dangerous and unscriptural: “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Ge 2: 18 NLT).

(b) Foxholes prove friendships. In tough times you discover who your real friends are. When Pepper Rodgers coached at UCLA, his team had some bad seasons. Recalling one, Rodgers told a reporter “My dog was about my only friend, and I told my wife that a man needs at least two friends. So she bought me another dog.” As the old saying goes: “In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.”



HOW TO SUCCEED ON THE JOB

With good will doing service as to the Lord and not to men.  -Ephesians 6:7

How do you succeed on the job?

(l) By keeping your eyes on your objective. Are you selling windows? Then don’t walk into someone’s house and offer unsolicited advice about their living room décor. Focus on what you’re called to do. People can be easily offended, and by speaking about areas outside your expertise—what your customer has solicited your help in—you can jeopardize good opportunities. And learn to appreciate people, even those you don’t like. Customers are not friends; friends are friends. Place value on others. Respect them, even if your personal opinions differ from theirs! Remember, your success is not determined by their personality.

(2) By treating everyone fairly and equally. If you show favoritism by only being kind and respectful to those you like, you’re in for trouble—if not now, then down the road. You need to learn how to work with people who aren’t your favorites. Why? Because they will remember your attitude, whether good or bad, and not be particularly inclined to help you in the future.

(3) By trying not to take things personally. You must learn to let go of grudges and to set aside past histories with some of your co-workers. When you find your emotions flaring up and you’re tempted to react, stop and remember what’s really going on; you’re in the midst of a battle and the first shots have been fired. This is the time to say a silent prayer, remember your true calling, and respond with love, patience and a professionalism that will cause those around you to want what you’ve got!



SMALL DEEDS COUNT

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.

Zechariah 4:10 NLT

What seems small to you might be huge to someone else. Ask Bohn Fawkes. During World War Il he piloted a B-17. On one mission he sustained flak from Nazi anti-aircraft guns. Even though his gas tanks were hit the plane did not explode, and Fawkes was able to land it. On the morning following the raid Fawkes asked his crew chief for the German shell, to keep as a souvenir of his good fortune. The chief explained that not just one, but eleven shells had been found in the gas tank, none of which had exploded. Technicians opened the shells and found them void of explosive charge. They were clean and harmless, and with one exception, empty. The exception contained a carefully rolled piece of paper. On it a message had been scrawled in the Czech language: “This is all we can do for you now.” A courageous assembly line worker was disarming bombs and scribbled that note. He couldn’t end the war, but he could save one plane. He couldn’t do everything, but he could do something, and he did it.

So, send that e-mail. Make that phone call. Write that check. David had a sling. Rahab had a string. Dorcas had a needle. All were used by God. What do you have? John Wesley said, “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can.” With God, small deeds count!




 

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