October 15

God planted a garden … there He put the man whom He had formed. GENESIS 2:8 NKJV

Bible says: “God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it” (Ge 2:15 NIV). Today God may be saying to you, “I’ve prepared you, placed you where you need to be, planted blessings in your life that are scheduled to come up at different times, but now you’ve got to work it.” Stop looking for gardens that are already pruned; you have to prune your own garden. You have to go through your own struggles and shed your own tears, Of in the case of Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy’s, wait on tables and work your way up. When people give you stuff they can take it from you.

When God gives it to you, it’s yours! But you’ve got to take care of it. You have to prune your own children; they’re not going to turn out right if you neglect them (See Pr 22:6). You have to prune your own relationships; “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly” (Ps 1:1 NK.JV). You

have to prune your own business. That means honoring God as your partner, allowing Him to use your business to promote His business.

When you walk with God He’ll protect and prosper you, even in hard times. But you’ve still got to “work it.” Ask any farmer; wheat left unattended will eventually seed itself to death. It must be cultivated. There’s nothing wrong with your life-except that you’re expecting God to do things He’s expecting you to do. Come on, get some shears and start pruning!



​I’ve disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.

I’ve got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.

The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I’ve never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.


October 15

God planted a garden … there He put the man whom He had formed. GENESIS 2:8 NKJV

Notice, God placed the man in the garden, “eastward in Eden” (Ge 2:8 NKN). It’s not enough to be in the garden, you’ve got to be in the right location. You must pray, “Lord, place me in my garden.”

You learn a lot by raising children. You’re older and wiser, saying, “Don’t do that. Don’t go there.” But you can’t cut through the process. They have to stumble, because that’s how they learn to walk and find their way. Maybe you yourself worked at several jobs before figuring out what you were supposed to do. That’s because you weren’t “placed” yet. At some point, if you’re wise, you begin to pray, “Lord, don’t let me spend my life trying stuff, place me!”

You can be in the right place and not know it-because the place has been planted, not created! Dave Thomas, the founder of Wendy’s, was the child of an unwed mother. He recalls being ashamed of not having a decent pair of shoes to wear. Imagine: a school dropout, wearing shoes that don’t fit, working as a busboy waiting tables-but he has a six-billion-dollar business inside him. It doesn’t matter where you start, it just matters where you finish. You need to look in the mirror and announce, “There’s something in me that hasn’t come out yet. God, help me to be steadfast until You pull out of me what You planted in me.” Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re a failure because you don’t wear the right shoes, or have it all together right now. God has a place in mind for you. Just walk with Him and He’ll get you there.



Miscellaneous jokes to lighten up your day:

One casket to another: “Is that you coffin?”


Barber: “Haven’t I shaved you before, Sir?”

Customer: “No, I got that scar in Vietnam.”


What do fish and guests have in common?

They both smell after three days.


October 14

God planted a garden … there He put the man whom He had formed. GENESIS 2:8 NKJV

What does it mean to plant? To bury seeds beyond human, view so that they germinate and eventually produce fruit. In God’s plan for your life, He’s planted blessings you experience over time. Just because you walk out into a field and don’t see a crop, doesn’t mean the seeds aren’t there; God has planted things in your life that will come to fruition at different times.

It’s amazing that God would plant. Why would He go to such trouble when He could just speak a word and create it? Think of the love, the personal involvement of the Creator of the universe, as He stoops down and plants blessings to come up at different seasons in your life. Everything God has for you

hasn’t come up yet, so you can’t give up, or walk away and say, “That’s all there is.” No, God’s got some stuff planted that you haven’t seen or experienced. You’re still becoming what He planted. Knowing that reinforces your faith that it will happen. It also means God believes in you-even when you

don’t believe in yourself.

There are talents in you that haven’t been discovered and dreams that haven’t been fulfilled. That’s what the battle is about! The Devil is fighting you over your destiny. He knows what’s been planted in you and he’s trying to kill the seed. Don’t let him. You’re not the person you’ll be six months or six years

from now, because there’s a time factor; everything doesn’t come to harvest at the same time. You have to have faith and patience, otherwise you’ll miss what God has for you.



The school teacher was late for school and was driving too fast.

The light ahead turned yellow, she thought she could make it and raced forward. It turned red just before she entered the intersection.

Unfortunately, a policeman saw her run through the red light and he wrote her a ticket.

The school teacher hadn’t had a ticket in a long time. She thought she would ask the judge if she could go to traffic school and keep the ticket off her record.

“I have a good driving record; I am a school teacher and I would like to request that I be granted permission to go to traffic school,” she asked the judge.

“So you are a school teacher,” the judge said with a smile. “I have been waiting for this for years.”

“I will allow you to go to traffic school if you write 500 times I ran a red light and I promise never to do it again.”


October 13

God planted a garden … there He put the man whom He had formed. GENESIS 2:8 NKJV

Before God put Adam into the garden, He “formed” him. There’s a process of preparation God takes us through in order to make us what we need to be. But preparation takes time. God must deal with our inconsistencies, personality defects, areas of distrust, unresolved childhood issues, scars, flaws, etc. How long does it take? Only God knows. Admit it; even at your age don’t you still recognize some childish ways in yourself? Anybody else would have given up on you, but God has a plan and He’s committed to it. We should all wear a sign that says: “Work in progress. If you hire me, you need to know that. If you marry me, you need to know that. ”

The Bible says the Lord “formed man out of the dust of the ground” (Ge 2:7 NKJV). What’s God working with? Dirt! And the tools He uses to form you are the experiences you go through in life. They shape and alter you. And the more you keep trying to have it your way, the longer the process takes. It may take you five years to learn to quit people-pleasing, or ten years to stop feeling sorry for yourself, or twenty years to stop going back and reliving your childhood. All the while God is telling you, “Stop it,” and you’re saying, “Yeah, I know. I’m gonna do better.” Then finally a crisis happens and the truth hits you. At that point you say, “You know what? I’m going to forget those things which are behind and start reaching for those things which are before” (See Php 3:13).



God and Adam are walking through the garden of Eden when Adam asks God “God, why did you make Eve so soft?”

God answers Adam and states “Adam, so you will love her.”

Adam then asks, “Why did you make her so beautiful?”

God answers Adam and states “well Adam like I said it is so that you will love her.”

Adam then turns to God and states “okay, but why did you make her so ditsy?​

God answers Adam stating, “well Adam…that is so she will love you!” …


October 12

For I am the Lord. I speak, and the word which I speak will come to pass. EZEKIEL 12:25 NKJV

There are two possible explanations for what happened in Swan Quarter, North Carolina, in 1876. It was either the most astounding coincidence, or an act of God-literally. The Methodist Episcopal Church South needed a new building, so when somebody donated a lot on Oyster Creek Road they accepted. It was low-lying land so they constructed a sturdy little white-frame church and put it up on brick pilings. Days later a storm lashed the town and those within sight of Oyster Creek Road witnessed something amazing. The church building -still intact-was afloat! The flood had lifted it off its pilings and sent it down the road. They tried to moor it with ropes but the church moved on. At the town center, as dozens of people watched helplessly, it made a sharp, inexplicable right turn and continued on. Finally, in the same decisive manner it veered off the road, it headed straight for a vacant lot and stopped dead in

the center! The flood waters eventually receded but the building is still there. In fact, l30 years have passed since the church, now called Providence Methodist Church, floated itself to the most desirable property in town. What’s amazing is this: The lot where it settled had originally been the congregation’s first choice for their building, but landowner Sam Sadler turned them down. The morning after the flood, he presented the pastor with the deed.

“For I am the Lord. Ir speak, and the word which I speak will come to pass.” No doubt about it; when God makes up His mind, nothing gets in His way!



Doctor: “If I find an operation necessary, will you have the money to pay for it?”

​Patient: “If I don’t have the money to pay for it, will you still find the operation necessary?” …





Take Mark … he is profitable … for the ministry. 2 TlMOTHY 4:11

When John Mark decided to take time off to visit his family, it didn’t sit too well with Paul. Later when Barnabas wanted to take John Mark on their next mission’s trip, Paul exploded! “The contention became so sharp … they parted from one another … Barnabas took Mark and sailed to Cyprus; but Paul chose Silas” (Ac 15:38-40 NKJV). But the story doesn’t end there. Later, an older and wiser Paul who had learned to add grace to his grit, writes, “For Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world … [sol Take Mark, and bring him with thee: for he is profitable to me for the ministry” (2Ti 4:10-11).

There are three important lessons here for you:

(1) Always be willing to give someone a second chance. After all, that’s what God does for you. Now in extending grace you can get hurt and disappointed, but if you’re going to be Christ-like it’s a risk you must take. (2) Don’t measure everybody else by your standards and goals. The truth is, they may

not be called to do what you’re called to do. Or they may have been called to do it in a different way. Don’t make your personal preferences a precondition for loving, accepting and working with someone. (3) When you look for the best in others you usually find it. The Bible says, “We have this treasure in earthen vessels” (2Co 4:7). So every time you meet the treasure you’ll bump into the earthen vessel. Don’t allow that to devalue the treasure, or your responsibility to look for it. Motivated people

will rise to meet your expectations.




I would have given him 100%! 

Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.

The teacher had no sense of humor.


Q9.. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?*

* No problem, he sleeps at night.*


Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?*

*   You will never find an elephant that has one hand.*


Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?*

* Very large hands*


Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?*

*No time at all, the wall is already built.*


Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?*

*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.*



If a man’s gift is … leadership, let him govern diligently. ROMANS 12:6-8 NIV

Good leaders have intuition. They “see it” when others don’t; they “get it.” We all fall into three intuition levels:

(1) Those who will never see it. Putting these people into a leadership role is like putting a square peg in a round hole; you can keep hammering and driving it, but it won’t fit. When someone’s gifted to work in a support role, it’s a mistake to put them into a leadership role. Besides, every orchestra needs a good second fiddle. We’re only responsible for the gifts God gives us, not the ones we want-or other people think we should have.

(2) Those who are nurtured to see it. These folks have the raw material; they just need to be nurtured and mentored. Dr. John Maxwell points out that the ability to think like a leader is “informed intuition. ” These people just need someone to inform, instruct and inspire them, and they’ll become good leaders. The truth is, without intuition we’re condemned to be blindsided by events and opinions all of our lives. (3) Those who naturally see it. These are the ones who are born with true leadership gifts. They instinctively understand people and know how to move them from point A to point B. Even as children they act like leaders. Watch them on the playground and you will see everyone else following them. People with such God-given intuition can build on it, become great leaders and bless others. Now, if you want to see leadership in its finest form study the life of Christ, who said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life” (Mt 20:28 NKJV).




I would have given him 100%! 

Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.

The teacher had no sense of humor.


Q5.. What is the main reason for failure?*

* exams*


Q6.. What can you never eat for breakfast?*

* Lunch & dinner*


Q7.. What looks like half an apple?*

* The other half*


Q8.. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?*

* Wet*



You are the salt of the earth. MATTHEW 5:13 NIV

Observe: (1) Your calling is often connected to what troubles you deeply. For Moses it was the oppression of his people. So God used that, and called Moses to lead his people to freedom. For William Wilberforce it was slavery. He devoted his entire life to seeing it eradicated in England, which it finally was shortly before his death. For Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. it was the injustice of a society that enslaved and oppressed African-Americans. So he dreamed and he preached and he marched and he organized and he boycotted, and the Civil Rights Movement was galvanized. If you want to discover your calling, begin praying about what troubles you deeply. Usually we try to avoid unpleasantness, but if you have a sense that your calling involves helping the poor, spend time around those in poverty.

Allow your heart to be moved, carry within you the conviction that things must change, and keep praying, “Lord, make me a change agent.”

(2) Your calling means God believes in you. When Jesus called His disciples they didn’t look like winners. Generally, in their day if someone was going to be the follower of a rabbi it happened much earlier, Plus, rabbis didn’t recruit, they took applications. But not Jesus. He picked a doctor, a tax collector and fishermen and said, “I believe in you. What I know I will teach you.” He promised, “He who believes in Me, the works hat I do he will do also” (Jn 14:12 NKJV). No wonder they left their nets! Jesus empowered His followers to go out to live as He lived. Today, that’s what He is calling you to do.




I would have given him 100%! 

Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.

The teacher had no sense of humor.


Q1.. In which battle did Napoleon die?*

* his last battle*


Q2.. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?*

* at the bottom of the page*


Q3.. River Ravi flows in which state?*

* liquid*


Q4.. What is the main reason for divorce?*

* marriage*



You are the salt of the earth. MATTHEW 5:13 NIV

When God called Moses, one of the questions He asked him was, “What is that in your hand?” (Ex 4:2 NIV). Moses held his shepherd’s staff. It represented his livelihood; it’s what he was good at, It represented his income; his flock was his wealth and his family’s security. God asked him to be willing to

lay it down. God still asks, “What is that in your hand?” What has been given to you? Your gifts, your money; your temperament, your experience, your relationships, your mind, your education. God has given you what Dr. Martin Seligman calls “signature strengths.” Seligman found that human abilities fall

into certain categories .. He defined them as: (a) Wisdom and knowledge (which includes abilities like curiosity, love of learning, sound judgment, and social intelligence). (b) Courage (perseverance and integrity). (c) Humanity (with capacities for kindness and the expression of mercy). (d) Justice (the ability to bring about fairness and leadership). (e) Temperance (qualities like self-control, prudence, humility). (f) Transcendence (the appreciation of beauty, the expression of gratitude, the ability of hope, the capacity for joy). We all have the capacity for each of these strengths, but a few resonate more deeply in you; they are your “signature strengths.” Identify these, and you begin to understand your calling.

Sometimes we think God couldn’t or wouldn’t use us because of some weaknesses. No, the opposite is true. No one can speak to those who grieve, better than those who’ve suffered loss. Chuck Colson was the chief White House lawyer, until Watergate. But it wasn’t until he was a convict that he was prepared to begin prison fellowship. Today, if you let him, God will use you.



Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.

“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”​

“But Larry’s still alive.”

“I know, but his hair is gone.” …



You are the salt of the earth. MATTHEW 5:13 NIV

Sometimes what a person contributes doesn’t get noticed until they’re no longer around to do it. The story is told of the husband who came home from work to find his house in a complete mess. The baby was crying, there were dishes piled up in the sink and dirty laundry on the Hoar. The TV was blaring, beds weren’t made, carpets weren’t vacuumed and dinner wasn’t ready. When he demanded to know what was up, his wife said, “You know how you always ask what I’ve been doing all day? Well, today I didn’t do it.” The Bible says, “Each one should retain the place in life … to which God has called him” (1 Cor 7:17 NIV). This doesn’t mean that we should not aspire to greater things. It just means that if we can’t start where we are, we can’t start at all.

One day Jesus healed a demon-possessed man who’d spent years separated from his family. After being set free, the man wanted to travel with Jesus. But Jesus said, “No, go back home and tell them what the Lord has done for you” ( See Lk 8:39). In other words, start where you are, use what you’ve got, and do

what you can. The Bible says: “You are the salt of the earth.” Salt doesn’t exist for its own pleasure. It must be poured into something bigger than itself; only then does it fulfill its purpose.

But be careful, don’t be ego-driven. The quest for significance can be misleading. You can’t do it by yourself for yourself, you must do it with God and for His purposes-then God will bless you!



Puns Anyone?
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

Batteries were given out free of charge.


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