HOW TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
DON’T TRY TO BUILD A MINISTRY UNTIL YOU’VE FIRST BUILT A RELATIONSHIP, AND IF THAT MEANS
“What is that sound?” a woman asked at our nature center. “It’s the frogs trilling for a mate,” Patti, the naturalist, explained. “We have a pair in the science room. But since they’ve been together for so long, they no longer sing to each other.” The woman nodded sympathetically, “The trill is gone.” …
YOUR TIME HAS COME
THE GENTLENESS OF JESUS
There is a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, ‘I think me wife may have caught a glimpse.’
GRACIOUS WORDS
‘It wouldn’t be 3-gloves, would it?’ says O’Malley.
WHATEVER IT COSTS – IT’S WORTH IT
The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, ‘O’ Sullivan, fencing.’
DON’T COME DOWN
STAY UP THERE, AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, THE WALL WILL BE BUILT, THE ENEMY WILL BE BEATEN,
‘I gave you a sham rock.’
DOING WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO
As Dermot was leaving, O’Driscoll called ‘Dermot, Dermot! D’ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?’
SECURE ENOUGH TO TAKE RISKS
Dark Room Keep door closed!
Beware of the Dog
Do not use microwave and toaster oven at the same time. It will throw earth out of orbit, And we’ll plummet us into the sun.
Sorry, We are Closed Due to Short Staff (A second sign in response) Hire Taller Staff Cause I need a Taco
IT WASN’T THAT HE DIDN’T KNOW, HE JUST DIDN’T CARE
Finally the long-staying guest was ready to leave. “Goodnight,” he said “I hope I haven’t kept you too late!”
A proud father was approached by his neighbor. “I heard your son graduated from college. Congratulations!” The neighbor hesitated and said, “Isn’t it awfully expensive to send a boy to college nowadays? Said the father, “It sure is. It cost me thousands of dollars, and all I got was a quarterback.” …
STAYING ON TRACK